by LSF Publications
by Alan Barr
John did not come out of his divorce at all well. His ex-wife Jane was one step ahead of him at every turn, and - most importantly - she was the one who hired the better solicitor. John was forced to leave the marital home, yet he didn't end up with much by way of compensation. He was obliged to move back in with his parents for a while.
It was rather depressing to have regressed to a previous stage of his life, but living with Mum and Dad wasn't all bad, by any means. He knew he was lucky to have a roof over his head, and company, not to mention some pretty good home cooking. They wouldn't hear of him paying rent, of course, so he repaid them by doing the weekly big shop at the local Asdi and paying for it himself.
The divorce was in some ways the worst thing that had ever happened to John, but in other ways it was the best. Looking back, he realised that he and Jane had never really been compatible from the start. It wasn't so much that their personalities were different, for that is not always a bad thing. It was more that their aspirations were different. Jane was fiercely ambitious and a social climber, while John was more easy-going, someone who preferred to enjoy each day as it came.
Their incompatibility extended to the bedroom too. Jane had a very straightforward, uncomplicated attitude to their sex life. She automatically assumed that what she liked must be what John liked. It never once occurred to her to ask John what turned him on, or if there was any little thing she could do to please him. For his part, John never felt able to ask. He knew instinctively that any such request would be denied, especially if it was of a slightly deviant nature. He knew if he opened up to her about such feelings, he would only be reproached for it, and she might well use the information against him. It was no wonder that intimacy between them became less and less frequent, until eventually it ceased altogether.
When John first moved in with his parents, he was feeling pretty sorry for himself, but as the weeks went by, he began to see things in a different light. It was true he had lost something, but he had gained something too - his freedom! He began to think about all those repressed feelings and fantasies he had harboured for so long. Maybe now he had the chance to do something about them. Instead of trying to conform to some so-called 'norm' which didn't really suit him, he had been granted a second chance in life, an opportunity to be himself.
But how? That was the question.
He knew there were plenty of agencies whose job it was to find you a prospective partner. But what were the chances of finding a partner who was really compatible? He doubted very much that the questions they asked referred to the sort of activities he was interested in. And did he really need a partner anyway? Wasn't it too soon to be putting his head back in the noose? Perhaps he simply needed to engage in the activity on a more casual basis? That suggested the possibility of paying for it. There was no doubt that if you were willing to pay, you would be able to find someone somewhere who would do what you required. But wasn't there something rather sad about using a 'professional' for one's personal needs?
John couldn't help feeling that there must be a third way, if only he could think of it. And eventually he did. At that time, when he was so busy trying to work out what his options were, one face kept popping up in his imagination: Sarah. But who, you may ask, was Sarah? Was she a neighbour, a work colleague, a friend of his ex-wife? Had John already embarked on a new relationship? The answer is that she was none of these things. John had no relationship with Sarah whatsoever. He hardly even knew her. She was simply the girl who served him most weeks at the Asdi checkout.
When Asdi started twenty-four hour opening, John got into the habit of doing his shopping very late on a Thursday evening. The store was almost deserted at that time, and everything seemed so relaxed that shopping almost became a pleasure. There were never more than two checkouts open, which was why he saw Sarah most weeks. He wasn't normally good at talking with strangers, but Sarah had an easy knack of making some random comment which could set the wheels of a conversation in motion. So far, he had established that she was a student studying horticulture when she was not working at Asdi. Her favourite television programme was The Simpsons, and she shared his liking for curry.
So what sort of girl was Sarah? She was of average build and really only of average looks too. There was no way she could have been described as a great beauty, and yet she managed to be quite attractive nonetheless. John became more and more interested in her. He even thought of asking her if she would like to go for a drink when she came off her shift. But then he thought better of it. He had to remind himself that she was at least ten years his junior, and probably had a boyfriend already. It was clear that if he asked her out he would come across as being totally sad and pathetic, and would make one almighty fool of himself.
Nevertheless, Sarah featured so consistently in his night-time fantasies that he began to see it as some sort of sign. There was no way Sarah would end up being his girlfriend, but maybe they could come to some sort of arrangement on a casual basis? It was a safe bet that a girl like Sarah wasn't exactly flush with cash. What's more, he had a feeling she would turn out to be quite broad-minded. If he explained the situation to her, and offered to make it well worth her while, maybe she would agree to help him make his favourite fantasy a reality.
At times it seemed a desperate, even ill-advised plan, but something kept telling John that Sarah was the key to his future happiness. Nevertheless, it would clearly be essential to broach the subject extremely cautiously. So John devised a plan spread over a number of shopping trips. On his next trip, he asked her just one simple question:
"What does your boyfriend think about you working these late shifts?"
"Oh, I don't have one of those anymore," Sarah admitted readily. "Been there. Done that. Got the emotional scars to prove it!"
So far so good! He didn't rush her with anything else. The following week he continued with another apparently casual question.
"Asdi good payers, are they?"
Sarah raised her eyes heavenwards. "You've gotta be joking! It's only a tiny fraction more than the minimum wage. I wish I could find something else, but not many firms are as flexible."
Right answer again!
"If I hear of anything, I'll let you know," he offered.
"Please do!" she replied.
The ground work was done now. The next week he had to move on to the heart of the matter. But it wasn't easy. It was only when all of his shopping was packed in the bags that he finally managed to get the words out.
"You know you said last week about needing more income? I've been thinking. I've been looking for someone to do some occasional work for me on a casual basis. Very flexible hours. The only thing is, it needs someone who's quite broad-minded."
"That doesn't sound like the sort of thing I'd be interested in," she replied bluntly.
He wanted to protest that he hadn't even told her what it was yet, but she was already greeting the next customer. He was forced to leave the shop with his mission a miserable failure. He was down in the dumps all the following week. On his next visit to Asdi, he planned to go to the self-service checkout to avoid her, but Sarah saw him and beckoned him over. After scanning a few items, she paused and turned to face him.
"What was that job you mentioned last time? I must admit I am a bit curious."
John was completely unprepared for this sudden turn of events. He no longer had the words off pat in his head. He suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. And to make matters worse, two other shoppers were now queuing behind him. As he blurted out his secret fantasy, blushing bright red, he realised that the whole thing was one awful, ghastly mistake.
Sarah was not so much shocked as amused. "Oh, that's priceless!" she giggled. "I thought it would be lap dancing or something - but not that. Do you know, I didn't realise there actually were men like you! I can't get my head round something like that at all. All that submissive stuff - why would anyone want to do that in the first place? It's just weird beyond belief! No thank you!"
If only she'd kept her voice down! The other customers were giving him strange looks now. He packed his shopping in red-faced silence. Whatever had he been thinking? And as for Sarah, she was not at all the girl he had thought her to be. So shallow and insensitive! He wouldn't want her in his fantasy even if she offered to do it for free! All he wanted now was to get his shopping in the bags and depart the scene as fast as possible. But Sarah was determined to taunt him once more.
"I tell you what. I've got a friend who hasn't got a job at all. I'll ask her. Maybe she'll be desperate enough!"
John was up bright and early so he was sure to be ready when Emma arrived at 10:30. He'd chosen Sunday morning because it was the time his parents went to church, the one time he could guarantee having the house to himself. He couldn't help feeling nervous. He knew next to nothing about Emma. "She's a bit shy till you get to know her." That was all Sarah had told him. Apart from her being desperate for money, of course!
The whole venture still seemed fraught with the most enormous risks, but John gave himself a good talking to, and resolved to see it through to the end, no matter what. The biggest decision was deciding what to wear. It had to be something in-keeping with the part he was to play. Casual simply wouldn't do, so he donned a white shirt, a dark suit and a formal tie. Then to complete the ensemble, he dug out the academic gown he had kept from his university days. When he looked in the mirror, he was pleased with the result.
"Good morning, Headmaster!" he joked to himself.
As he continued to stare at his image, it occurred to him that his appearance might be just a little bit too formal. If Emma was shy, she would probably be feeling even more nervous than he was. Imagine if he opened the door, and she felt so intimidated by his stern persona that she turned on her heels and ran? No, he definitely needed something to soften his strict image. After rummaging through all the drawers in his room, he finally came across the very thing. It was a large circular badge which he had bought on eBay using his 'special' account which he'd kept secret from Jane. The picture showed a seated teddy bear with the fluffy bottom of another bear bent over his knee.
Not to be reposted, reproduced or distributed, in part or whole.