by Pat Jones
TO: Sally Weston
FROM: William Gray, Governor, Stropbare Reformatory
RE: Lunch
Thank you so much for joining me for lunch at my club on Wednesday. It was wonderful to meet a young woman who shares my interest in reformatory discipline, and enjoys the Blue Moon books as much as I do.
I loved the way you interrogated Lord Roberts and Sir Snowdown about why the club was still males-only; I thought the old geezers were going to have a heart attack. It was delightfully impertinent of you, in a cheeky sort of way. You're quite the little spitfire, Sally!
Given your interest in reformatory discipline, and my expertise in the manner, I was wondering if you might wish to visit my office in the city sometime, for a look at my historic collection of reformatory straps and canes?
There are several local school emporiums in the area, which will outfit you with a suitable regulation school kit, so you may look the part prior to your visit. With you in proper attire, and me properly armed, I can deliberate in detail about your conduct at the club, and elucidate to you the importance of showing deference to your betters.
Eagerly awaiting your reply,
Mr. William Gray
Governor, Stropbare Reformatory
TO: William Gray
FROM: Sally Weston
RE: Your kind offer
It is I who owe you thanks for the delightful lunch, which I truly enjoyed. I'm sorry Mr. Friar set his pants on fire with his cigar while he was arguing with me, and I feel terrible for laughing at him as he ripped them off.
And I really shouldn't have shouted, "Friar, Friar, pants on fire." How mischievous of me!
As for your kind offer of a meeting in the city, I must decline. Although I find your offer intriguing in the extreme, the simple truth is I am not a delinquent. While I understand that the miscreants in your care at the Stropbare Reformatory are routinely birched, paddled, strapped, and caned for fantastical "crimes" such as "impertinence" and "cheekiness", such a draconian sentence would be entirely inappropriate for me.
I am not a reformatory ruffian, but a young American heiress of some considerable means, summering in England. Caning the reformatory sluts in your care is justice. Caning me would be assault. Since I'm assuming you enjoy running a prison more than you would enjoy staying in one, I must respectfully decline your highly attractive offer, beguiling though it might be.
I am not interested in a role-play, for however realistic the scenario might seem it would in fact be a play.
And can we not agree that as an adult woman, I'm far too old too wear a school uniform?
I'm shocked at you, Governor Gray! Aren't you getting a little old for such antics? I have quite a tight little bottom, and I wouldn't want you to injure yourself. Ha!
However, I would be interested in a more authentic experience. Might it be possible for you to arrange a visit to Stropbare Reformatory, where I might witness the punishment of one or more of the delinquents in your charge firsthand?
Thank you once again for your offer, and thank you in advance for your kind consideration of my counterproposal.
Warmest Regards,
Sally
PS: I am petite, but I am not little, standing nearly 5'6, Sir.
TO: Sally Weston
FROM: William Gray, Governor Stropbare Reformatory
I was disappointed in your refusal to meet with me in my office, for I assure you the experience I had in mind for you would be anything but play.
As for your impudent suggestion that I am too old to properly discipline you, I would strongly suggest that a dozen strokes with the senior cane, administered with your uniform skirt pinned up in back and your regulation knickers at half-mast around your ankles, might cause you to whistle a very different tune, and improve your attitude to boot, young lady.
You say that you are too old to make a convincing schoolgirl. Again, I must strongly disagree. I concede that during lunch in the club you looked quite adult and sophisticated in your smart pants suit and lovely designer jacket. Were you wearing Coco Mademoiselle? Lovely!
I am a trifle perplexed about your height. In the outer lobby of the club I noticed you standing next to Mr. Jackson's daughter, Emily. When I spoke with Emily she told me that the day before she made the school's basketball team, bragging that she stands at 161 cm, which is about 5'3. Emily seemed to be at least as tall as you, and you were wearing high heels.
Perhaps Emily experienced an overnight growth spurt?
No matter. Back to point, in my reformatory, stripped of your fine clothes, scrubbed of your makeup, stinking of the disinfectants you would be deloused with, and standing naked and dripping wet with a dozen other girls as you awaited your internal contraband examination, I can assure you would not look - or feel - so special. The removal of the hair from your nether regions, necessary as a sanitary precaution, the cutting of your hair into a proper and more sensible style, and the knowledge that you were now answerable to the cane, would make your transformation complete, even before you donned your white socks, tie, jacket, and uniform blazer and cap.
I know you don't agree. However, I think it is fair to point out that Stropbare's inmates range in age from 18 to 40, and I have made convincing schoolgirls out of every single one of them. With your youthful features and "petite" size, you would blend in quickly with the rest of the sorry miscreants in my charge.
You are unique, Sally, but so are all the other girls. When I take the cane out of the cupboard, some of the girls whimper, some wince, some stare at their shoes, and still others blather excuses. Each girl is special in her own way, and I am very much looking forward to seeing your reaction when I flex the cane into a half circle, and you see just how devilishly whippy a proper rod of correction can be.
As for your counter proposal, Stropbare is a working reformatory dedicated to the correction of delinquents, not Disneyland, and we don't give tours.
I am disappointed that you turned down this most unique offer to meet in my office. Nonetheless, since you are so very, very "special", I might be persuaded to talk to Judge Strikehard to see if I might arrange a visit.
There is a young woman of Italian extract in our custody, Angelica Brazeni, who used to work at your estate as a maid, before you dismissed her for reasons that I am not privy to, but which I'm sure were entirely justified. She has been sentenced to a sound birching for the crime of impertinence.
Knowing your interest in seeing a genuine reformatory punishment, I was tempted to speed your visit so that you might witness Angelica's punishment, which has been scheduled for the 12th. However, your objection to canings for "imaginary crimes" such as impertinence, combined with my suspicion that Angelica may have been committed to my care for an unfortunate affair she had with her mistress's husband after she left your employ, make me think that you would object strongly to witnessing this unfortunate creature thrashed.
Respectfully,
Mr. Gray
PS: Why have you not friended me on Facebook? I have sent you numerous invitations.
TO: William Gray
FROM: Sally Weston
RE: Angelica Brazeni's Just Desserts!
Dear William,
I am afraid our last correspondence might best be classified as a letter of misunderstanding.
Angelica Brazeni was in my employ, and was dismissed for her habit of flirting outrageously with every one of my boyfriends. I actually caught her in-the-act with my fiancé, performing a most disgraceful act, a spectacle that required me to dismiss them both.
I am glad that someone had the good sense to commit her to your care, where the little whore can be dealt with properly!
Impertinence, when perpetrated by a reformatory delinquent such as Angelica, is not an "imaginary offense" but rather a serious transgression demanding a harsh and vigorous punishment. Lay on the stripes smartly and make the little slut curl her toes!
As for whether or not her original transgression warranted her incarceration, must I admonish you that such considerations are entirely beside the point? The reformatory system has been specifically designed so that slatterns can be severely thrashed for offenses that would not even be considered misdemeanors if she had not already been legally certified to be delinquent, without endless appeals or tiresome legal wrangling. Once the gavel falls, and the Certificate of Delinquency is issued, the discussions must end, and the thrashing must begin.
I would very much like to see Angelica in the reformatory, as I'm sure the little scamp would look cute-as-a-button in her school uniform. And I would very much enjoy seeing her bottom dance under the strap, paddle, or cane... preferably all three. Might you be persuaded to speed your conversation with the Judge, and arrange my visit with all due haste?
TO: Sally Weston
FROM: William Gray, Governor Stropbare Reformatory
RE: First things first
Dearest Sally,
Before I respond to your request, there is a matter we must settle between us. You said that you would not make a convincing schoolgirl. I strongly disagree.
Please visit #1407 Cherry Road and explain to them that you are a new girl assigned to begin a term of discipline at Stropbare Reformatory. Explain that you a woman of some means, and I instructed you to purchase your uniform and school kit in advance, at your own expense, so that you would not be a burden on the taxpayers, or the reformatory's already overly generous benefactors.
Ask him to take a photo of you with your iPhone or iPad or iWhatever-you-girls-use-these-days, and e-mail it to me. The photographic evidence should settle our dispute in short order, should it not? I also require a detailed written account of your fitting and your visit to the store.
He will also send me your measurements, and settle the matter of who is taller: you, or Emily.
Please send photo as your reply,
William Gray, Governor, Stropbare Reformatory
TO: William Gray
FROM: Sally Weston
RE: A plea to reconsider
William,
Your last message left me shocked. I cannot comprehend why it is necessary for me, an adult woman, to suffer the indignity of donning a school uniform and posing for a photograph in order to secure said invitation. I feel ridiculous even considering it.
As for my measurements, I am 5'6, quite nearly, although there might be some confusion because of the conversion to metric. Emily's sneakers might very well have contained lifts, for the girl is on the basketball team. In any event, as an adult woman I don't think it's proper for you to compare my stature to a tomboy who keeps her hair in pigtails and is still wearing braces.
I do not wish to join Emily's basketball team, or put on a school uniform. As I explained previously, I'm far too sophisticated for such attire.
Surely this is unnecessary?
TO: Sally Weston
FROM: William Gray, Governor, Stropbare Reformatory.
RE: Uniform REQUIREMENT
Don't call me Shirley, or William. Young ladies such as yourself always refer to me as Governor, or Mr. Gray, or sir, as in "yes, sir, right away sir."
Yes, it is absolutely necessary.
I am not in the habit of repeating myself, young lady, but since you obviously have the e-mail equivalent of wax in your ears, I will endeavor to make myself clear, and shall repeat, with emphasis, the final line of my previous communiqué.
Please send your photo as your reply. That, and a detailed description of your visit, will earn you the reformatory admittance you desire.
William Gray
Governor, Stropbare Reformatory
PS: Why haven't you friended me yet?
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