by Lucy Appleby
Two months after finishing their degree courses, Abby, Meg and Katrin were still without a job and money was getting desperately short.
"We have to find something soon, or we'll starve."
"And the rent's due next week."
"And then there's the phone bill - and the electricity ..."
The three of them looked glumly at one another.
"We need a miracle."
"Miracles don't happen to people like us," said Abby disconsolately. "Do they, Meg?"
But Meg wasn't listening. The idea came to her in a flash of inspiration. Yes! It was so simple. Why hadn't they thought of it before? She jumped up with a jubilant smile on her face. "We make our own miracles! And I know how."
"How?"
"We start our own business." Meg's eyes glinted with excitement. "We set up in business and we make loads of money."
"Doing what?"
"Cleaning."
"Cleaning? Ugh!" said Katrin.
"I detest cleaning," said Abby.
"Um - well so do I," confessed Meg. "But beggars can't be choosers. Seriously - this offers us a way to make money, pay all our bills, and have plenty left over to spend on us.
"So - how will it work?" asked Abby grudgingly.
"It's easy. We churn out a load of fliers and shove them through letterboxes in the posh end of town. People who live in Highgrove have heaps of money to pay for their houses to be cleaned. We'll need a name for ourselves. Something snappy and inspiring."
"The Cleaning Company?" volunteered Katrin.
"No. That's too dull."
"How about Mops 'n Dusters?" suggested Abby.
"A bit better, but still not right." Meg frowned in deep concentration, and then beamed. "I have it - Three Merry Maids."
"Hey, that's not bad," said Abby.
"It's more than not bad. I like it," grinned Katrin. "Three Merry Maids. Yes, that's us."
They spent the next few hours arguing about the wording and layout for their publicity flyers, and when they eventually reached agreement, printed off several hundred copies. These were then packed into three shoulder bags.
"Well, this is it. I think we're ready to deliver them," said Meg.
"Highgrove here we come! Hang on, let me put some flat shoes on," said Abby.
"Good idea." Katrin stuffed her feet into a pair of low heeled pumps. "Ok, Merry Maids - let's go!"
Three hours later then they arrived home, hot, tired, and thirsty, to find three messages on the answerphone. The girls played them back and jumped around in a state of euphoria. They had three jobs already!
Meg called the clients back for further information, and made a great show of saying stuff like, "I'll just check our appointments diary," and "We are heavily committed, but we can fit you in at 3pm tomorrow," and "Yes, we have excellent references from our satisfied clients."
Katrin and Abby stifled a giggle, and then the three of them decided to celebrate their new found good fortune by ordering a Chinese takeaway and opening a bottle of wine.
Bright and early the next morning, The Merry Maids knocked on the door of no 5 Highgrove Crescent. A rather nice looking middle-aged man opened the door and smiled at the three pretty girls, identically dressed in blue jeans, white trainers and black t-shirts.
"Well hello," he said. "You must be ..."
"Three Merry Maids," said Abby, flashing a radiant smile.
"Bang on time too," said Katrin, looking at her watch.
"We are always punctual and reliable," said Meg with a confident smile. "Shall we get started?"
"Good, good," said Mr Harper. "Come on in, girls. I have lots for you to do."
The hallway was bigger than the girls' living room, and they followed Mr Harper into an enormous kitchen.
"I'd like you to start in here," he said. "The dishwasher has broken, so you'll need to empty it and wash all the dishes by hand, and put them away in the dresser. Then clean the oven and hob, give the floor a good wash, and rub down the tiles and the paintwork. You'll find all the cleaning products under the sink, and a mop and bucket in the cupboard over there. Then you can dust and hoover the next room, which I use as a study - but be careful not to move any papers."
"Thanks. We'll get started at once," said Meg.
"Oh - by the way - your fliers said that the three of you are graduates?"
"That's right," beamed Abby.
"Cleaners with brains!" said Katrin.
"Excellent. What did you do your degrees in?"
"Vampireology."
"Circus Skills."
"Bagpipers of the British Isles."
"Oh," Mr Harper looked somewhat bemused. "I don't suppose there are that many opportunities for work in those areas. Well, give me a shout if you need anything," he said, and disappeared off down the hall. Really - what utter rubbish is taught at universities these days, It shouldn't be allowed, he thought.
"That impressed him," said Meg. "I bet he finds us refreshingly different."
"There's a lot to do. How long have we got?"
"Two hours."
"Is that all? We'd better get cracking." Abby yanked open the dish washer and began to pull out the dirty crockery.
"Well, there are three of us, remember. So we should be able to do the job with time to spare," said Meg confidently.
"It's a good job he hasn't been round to look at the state of OUR place," grinned Katrin. "Or he wouldn't have hired us! It's a right tip!"
A discreet cough from the doorway made them whirl round in surprise. "Ahem. I meant to tell you to make coffee for yourselves if you want it," said Mr Harper ominously.
There was a brief embarrassed silence and then Meg said, "Ah. Right. Thank you very much, we will."
"He MUST have heard what you said, Katrin," said Abby when Mr Harper had left the kitchen.
"Yeah. He must have. Bummer. Tell you what - I'll make us some coffee. I think we're going to need it. Look at this fancy coffee making machine. I - OH!!!" Katrin squealed and then stared in horror as the glass jug fell from her grasp onto the tiled floor, and smashed into dozens of pieces. "Nooooooo!" she wailed and stepped back a few paces, bumping into Abby, who was clutching an armful of dirty plates.
Abby staggered backwards and dropped the plates. She stared in disbelief as they crashed to the floor in a sea of broken fragments. "Shite. These are Royal Doulton! They cost a bloody fortune!"
"Quick! Get everything swept up and put out of the way in the bin," said Meg, dashing to the cupboard to find a dustpan and brush.
Very soon, all the broken plates and pieces of glass were hidden at the bottom of the bin, and the girls, nervous now, began to get on with the work. They were all dreading the moment when they would be forced to admit what they had done.
"At least I'm managing to get the stubborn stains off this hob," said Meg. "It just needed a bit of elbow grease." She rubbed furiously with a piece of wire wool.
"Er - Meg ..."
"What?" Meg continued frantically rubbing.
"You aren't supposed to use wire wool on that ceramic hob," said Katrin in a worried tone.
"Oh? Why not?"
"Because - because, it scratches all the surface off."
"What?! But see - all these black bits - that's just bits of burnt-on food, yes?"
"No." Katrin poked at the pile of black bits. "You've taken off a big chunk of the surface. It's ruined!"
"Nooooooooo!" wailed Meg. "It can't be. It can't be. Ohhhhh - bollox!"
Footsteps sounded in the hall, and Mr Harper entered the kitchen. He didn't look very pleased. He didn't look pleased at all. "I'm sure I heard the sound of breaking glass or china."
The three girls stared at him, then at each other, then each one of them looked at the floor and refused to make eye contact with Mr Harper.
"Is anyone going to tell me what items got broken?"
The three girls shuffled about uncomfortably, grimacing. Meg tried to speak but there was a lump in her throat, and she only managed a peculiar snorting sound. Mr Harper walked towards the bin and lifted the lid. Inside were the remains of the expensive glass jug from the coffee maker, and at least six Royal Doulton dinner plates, edged with gold plate.
"I see," he said, and glared at the girls. "I think you had better come this way. Follow me."
He led the way into his study. "Let's see now - a new jug for the coffee maker will be about £60, and those Royal Doulton plates cost £70 each."
"Each?!" croaked Meg. Oh this was a nightmare.
"Each." nodded Mr Harper. "By my reckoning that's about £480."
The girls gasped in horror.
"£480?" squeaked Katrin.
"At least. Still, I expect your public liability insurance will cover it."
"Our what?" Abby's face turned pale as putty.
"Ah - as I thought. You don't have public liability insurance, do you?"
"Er, well - we - um ... no, not yet. No," admitted Meg.
Mr Harper looked at the three of them through narrowed eyes. He smiled then, and it wasn't a very nice smile. In fact, it was the kind of smile a wily old fox makes when it catches a nice plump chicken or three.
"Well, my Three Merry Maids," said Mr Harper softly. "We shall have to see if there is another way you can atone for your crimes."
"Oh yes! Yes please! We'll do anything." Meg breathed a sigh of relief.
"She means almost anything," said Abby, directing a meaningful look at Meg.
"Yes. I meant almost anything," said Meg.
"We're very, very, VERY sorry," burbled Katrin.
"Oh - you will be." He smiled that smile again and went to a cupboard in the corner of the room. He returned carrying two items. "Allow me to introduce you to this heavy-duty seriously stingy leather paddle." He brandished it in front of their confused faces. "And next, I want you to meet Mr Whippy." He sliced the cane through the air and it made a wild swoosh.
Mr Harper studied the faces of the girls. Ah yes. The light was beginning to dawn. Their faces began to show shock and horror as understanding became clearer.
"You're not ..." began Meg.
"Surely not!" gasped Abby.
"But you can't!" wailed Katrin.
Mr Harper laughed, and his grey eyes gleamed with an excitement he hadn't experienced for several years. "This is what's going to happen. I want the three of you bending over the back of the sofa. I am going to give you six each with the paddle, and a further six with the cane. That's all."
"That's all?! But - but that's outrageous!"
"Take it or leave it," shrugged Mr Harper. "If you leave it, you will pay for the damage within three working days or I will take legal proceedings against you. Now. I have a phone call to make. I will return in five minutes. You may discuss the matter between yourselves and make your decision."
The girls nodded miserably.
"Oh - and there's just one other thing. You will each take your punishment on the bare bottom. When I return in five minutes, I expect to see each of you in a row over the back of the sofa, jeans and panties round your ankles. You must lean right over and grasp the edge of the front of the sofa. I want those bottoms nicely presented. Five minutes, girls. Be ready, or face the consequences."
He left the room, and the three girls stared open mouthed at his retreating figure. There followed four and a half minutes of frantic whispering and wailing and cursing. The remaining 30 seconds was taken up by a mad scramble as the girls undressed and got into the required position.
When Mr Harper returned, he was greeted by the most welcome sight of three shapely plump bare bottoms, the pale creamy flesh unblemished and virginal. How wonderful - a blank canvas on which to practice his great artistry. There were the three merry maids all in a row awaiting correction. Not quite so merry now, are we girls? he thought, and his mouth twisted into an appreciative leer. He reached for the paddle. This was going to be such fun.
"Now, my three merry maids," said Mr Harper. "May I first say how pleased I am that you have reached such a sensible decision. Once you have taken your punishment, your crimes will never be referred to again."
Once again he admired the glorious view. It was truly intoxicating. Taking a step closer he stood behind each of the three girls in turn, experimentally patting their buttocks. Their young skin was firm and silky smooth - but far too pale. He would soon put that right and add a touch of colour to their cheeks.
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