by KD Pierre
Kevin loved kissing Marie. It sounds obvious, maybe even stupid to say it, but it was true. Whenever they kissed, he'd press his face snugly against hers and breathe in her sweet exhalations as their lips groped. Such sweetness. How could breath be so intoxicating? Kevin thought how easy it would be to just absorb his lover... his mistress. So petite, so seemingly fragile, he could just inhale her and swallow the rest, and then she'd be a part of him forever.
But what a waste that would be. Besides... he was her sub. If anything, she should be his devourer, and he would gladly let himself be consumed. He imagined it like a story from mythology. The demi-goddess Marie consumes her slave lover and grows from her petite semi-human state to the stature of an Olympian Goddess, standing atop a sunny Roman hillside as the essence of his devotion radiates from her fingertips and hair.
Silly day-dream.
Still he loved her so much. She became the mistress he worshipped right before his eyes. She did it for him, too. She shed her human female form, traded in her feminine meekness for a strong will and confident dominance, and became a goddess without ever looking back at her frail, insecure, and human past... well, hardly ever. And she did all this for him... or at least at his suggestion. There was certainly a goddess already in her, waiting to hatch out and rule.
How was he going to tell her his problem? Should he tell her? Maybe it would just be better to provoke her, push her a bit... rouse the ire of the vengeful goddess? Put his goddess to the test.
Such shameful thoughts. Unworthy of his training, disrespectful to Marie. There wasn't going to be an easy out. He was going to have to tell her.
Light rain mottled the window, texturing the glass. Kevin watched the meander of drops as they snuck through a maze of their own making... gathering up the nerve to speak. Marie was nestled against him, sitting between his legs, leaning into him like a human lounge chair. She too was absentmindedly watching the rain between kisses.
"Marie, I have something to tell you... a confession of sorts," Kevin began awkwardly, but Marie was unfazed, and teased back coyly.
"Oh yeah? Has my slave been naughty? Maybe wanking without permission?" she drawled.
"No, but I came close."
"Well that's fine. 'Close' is fine. Feeling a little horny, are we? You know all you have to do is ask... nicely. I'm usually very generous with people I like... and I certainly like YOU," she flirted as she squeezed his thigh.
Kevin shifted and Marie moved over to let him up, watching with growing concern as her slave/lover stood watching a dripping drainpipe with a strained look on his face. Dropping her cute flirtation, she asked what this was all about.
"This isn't easy," Kevin replied as he sat back next to his mistress. "I keep thinking I have to tell you what's going through my head, but I also think you might be hurt... and I certainly don't want to hurt you of all people."
"Suppose you just be honest?" Marie suggested and, realizing she was right, Kevin began his confession.
"I did consider masturbating without permission," he began, "but not because I was that horny. I was thinking of doing it out of... curiosity."
"Curiosity?" Marie blinked.
"Yes. You see I know we've discussed punishment as something separate from play, and I know where you stand on it. I mean, I know you'd DO it."
"Yes." Marie nodded calmly. "If necessary, yes I would. I've told you that."
"Well, there's this part of me that's curious about it. You know... what it would be like. There's even a part of me that wonders... if it came to it... would it be effective? I know that sounds terrible," Kevin continued in an apologetic voice. "I mean, you've been great! Everything we've done has proven you to be a natural at topping... but I keep going back to this. When I'm alone," he admitted sullenly, "I think 'what could I do to get her to really punish me?' I figure that anything really bad would be stupid, so I go back to the masturbation rule. I figure it would warrant a punishment... but it wouldn't be as hurtful as purposely doing something more serious... and THEN I realize how terrible my whole thought process is! I wouldn't just be breaking a rule out of a moment's weakness... but out of spite... on purpose... to test you... to provoke you. And I think back on all my training as a sub and realize how shitty that would be. So..." he sighed, "I don’t do it... and just go on feeling bad for thinking it, but still wondering about it all anyway."
Marie let the words sink in fully before responding... but she wasn't completely surprised by Kevin's admission. "Kevin, I think I understand. I even think it might be partially my fault... you see, I wonder about it too. Not whether I would punish you if I had to, because I know I would... but if I could be effective at it."
Marie paused reflectively for a moment and began to explain. "When we hooked-up, you came into this pretty experienced... but I was totally new to it. I'll admit, I've thought about stuff like this, so when the opportunity came to live it, I jumped at it. I like being a Top. But there are issues for me too." Her voice raised to illustrate with an example. "You know how I've made it a rule for you to always approach me on your knees?"
"Yeah."
"Do you know why?"
Kevin shook his head. "I thought it was a sign of respect and submission?"
"Partially. But mostly because you are so much bigger than me. When we stand together, it's hard for me to feel in charge. Your height intimidates me a bit... but when you're kneeling or on all fours, it helps me feel like I'm capable of controlling you. But even still, topping you is like taming a lion for me... Not that you are wild or threatening... but because you could physically overpower me at any moment... and, like a lion tamer, all I have to keep you at bay is my own confidence and dominance. It's exciting in a way. And I think it's a thrill for me to see you enduring everything I throw at you when I know you could resist if you chose to," Marie smiled as she touched Kevin's hand.
“So, trust me..." Marie continued. "...I understand your point. It's only natural that, willing as you've always been, you might wonder if I'm dominant enough to tame you if you chose to rebel. And, frankly, I wonder that too. Maybe I'm projecting that doubt and you are picking up on it?"
"But you see, Marie, I don't want to rebel. All of my training has taught me to submit willingly... and not brat or provoke. That's why these thoughts I've been having make me feel so guilty. That’s why I had to confess!"
Marie thought quietly for a moment then asked, "In the short time we've been together, I've never really pushed your limits, have I?"
"Honestly? No," Kevin admitted, "Which is fine because all our encounters have been erotic and fun... but I definitely know you know how to wield a paddle!" He smiled... as did Marie. "But I can't say I've ever felt like I couldn't handle whatever we were doing."
Marie nodded. "Hm-m. Look... I need to think about this some more. I'm glad you told me all this rather than going ahead and doing something stupid. Now, I know you said you had some errands to run. What if we hook-up after you get back?"
"OK." Kevin nodded.
"And in the meantime..." Marie smiled to ease the tension, "go get your C.B. so I can lock you up before you have any more 'temptations'."
By the time Kevin returned from his errands, it was raining harder. Darting in with packages clutched against the rain, he stomped the water off on the 'welcome' mat, wondering what effect his confession had had on Marie.
"Get everything you wanted?" Marie asked.
"Pretty much. Did you eat yet?"
"No. I waited for you. Thought if the weather eases up, we could go out later... if not, we could just call for sushi or something."
"Sounds good either way."
Marie ambled over and gave her damp slave a hug. They kissed. "Look," Marie then said slowly, "I thought about our talk and came to a decision." She paused and walked to the speckled window. "While a certain amount of curiosity is understandable, I think yours has reached a dangerous level. I can't think of anything you could do that would upset me more than intentionally provoking a punishment... and though you haven't done that... you seem to be seriously considering it. Maybe it's time I satisfy that curiosity of yours while nipping these manipulative thoughts in the bud?"
Kevin blinked as he realized there could be no retraction of that earlier confession. He was in it now. No speculation or wondering. And curiosity gave way to nervousness.
"There are a few things to make clear, though," Marie said flatly. Kevin nodded and barely whispered an "OK," before his mistress continued more sternly. "This isn't a game. Other stuff? Maybe... but not this. Because of that, I'm not going to lie and say that I think you deserve a punishment for what you've told me. I appreciate the fact that you told me stuff that probably wasn't easy to admit, and while you haven't crossed any lines yet, I do see how a punishment from me would help in this situation... and I'm quite willing to go through with one. But... this is something you'll have to ask for. If you want to experience my punishment... out of guilt, curiosity, whatever... you need to say so plainly. And you need to know up front that what you'll be asking for, will not be fun. I intend to treat it exactly as I would have done had there been an actual offense... and there'll be no backing-out. Safeword's in effect for non-punishment-related problems only. Understand?"
"Yes, Ma'am." Kevin gulped.
"So, what will it be?" she asked very seriously.
Kevin knew he needed to go through with it, even though every instinct told him he would regret either decision... for different reasons. "I don't think there's anyway around it, Ma'am. I need to know. I need to know that a punishment from you is something I shouldn’t be 'wanting' for any reason. I consent to whatever you deem appropriate."
"OK, then," Marie replied without a smile. "Follow me."
Walking up the stairs with Marie ahead of him already felt different. There was a cool detachment to the march towards his comeuppance that was alien to any interaction the two had previously shared. Any trip to Marie's room had only meant one thing: fun. As of today, such a trip seemingly could have another meaning.
Once in the bedroom, Marie pulled a chair to a more spacious area next to the bed, and before sitting, opened that 'certain' drawer and took out a stout lucite paddle. Kevin had felt this paddle before and knew how unforgiving it could be... even when merely snapped across his behind playfully. He watched nervously as his Mistress seated herself authoritatively in the chair and met her no-nonsense gaze as she issued the order for him to unbuckle, bare and bend over her lap.
Things were going too quickly, he thought. There was no ritual to allow him to ease into the role of the submissive penitent. There was no stripping into total sexy submissive nakedness to titillate him or his Top, just an ergonomic baring of the area to be chastised. He wanted to say something, to stall, to slow things down, but his Mistress's expression made him think better of it.
Like it or not, he was soon in position... one he did not prefer. Over-the-knee for someone as tall as he, was always more comfortable when he was stretched across a sofa or bed, with the lap being just enough elevation to bring his bottom into prime position. In a chair he was dangled downward, making him feel off-balance emotionally as well as physically. Then his mistress laid it out for him.
"This is going to be very serious, Kevin," she warned. "I'm going to give you 50 swats, and believe me, you are going to feel them. But there's more... you will not flinch or clench in any way. I am going to tell you, this will not be easy, but that is part of the punishment. I am very serious about this; no matter how much it hurts, I want those cheeks relaxed and ready for every last smack!"
Kevin acknowledged his instructions nervously, and when asked if he was ready, replied with a fearful, "Yes, Ma'am."
The first swat landed with more crisp force than he was ready for, but he held himself slack despite the sting. He was still reeling from the blow when another landed on the other buttock. Two smacks into 50 he was already worried how he'd be able to keep from clenching. Marie was not trying to be anything other than effective; there was no malice in her attack, yet there was no mercy in it either. To her, this was a punishment, and she would do nothing to make it anything other than painful and memorable.
A dozen or so later, Kevin lost count and now no longer knew how many more were coming. In fact, his mind was clearing of all thoughts but the single effort not to react to the worst spanking he had ever received. The inside of his body felt like he was stretching the space within his stomach wider, through sheer will, to allow him to remain 'open'.
He started to feel tears welling in his eyes but dared not yelp, nor moan, nor devote a thought to anything but staying 'relaxed'. Normally, he would feel the urge to do this naturally after an endorphin rush was upon him, but the endorphins were not being secreted yet, and wouldn't be in time to help him. His bottom felt like hot wax was being poured on it, but still he held steady... contritely.
Finally, mercifully, the last smack was struck and Marie announced the spanking over. She let Kevin catch his breath only momentarily before ordering him to get up. In a blurry whirl, he was up and listening to Marie as his burning bottom was being hidden back in his jeans.
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