by LSF Publications
by Rachel Gordon
"This is really difficult for me," David said wringing his hands and staring at the carpet as he sat in a comfortable armchair.
"I know," Janine said, "or at least I can imagine your difficulty. I was like you on my first time too!" David looked up at her amazed. "Why do you seem so surprised David? I should imagine everyone experiences some problem or other when they attempt anything for the first time. I mean not every new experience is perfect or angst-free." She looked across from her seat on the large sofa and saw doubt in David's eyes.
"Look, can you remember learning to ride a bike, I mean the very first time you rode a bike without those wobbly stabilizers on the back wheel?" David nodded unsure of where this conversation was going. Continuing Janine said, "I would imagine you felt like most children do - like I did - thrilled by the prospects of riding a bike properly but at the same time just a little worried about falling off." Janine chuckled recalling those memories, "Well at least that's how I remember it anyway, and if you were anything like me you would have taken a few tumbles before it all fitted into place."
Now David also laughed and nodded his head as if to confirm their experiences were pretty similar.
"So David, when we were those uncertain children and came off our bikes, perhaps showing signs of doubt and lacking in self-belief, we needed the help of parents, guardians, or someone older and wiser. They encouraged us by explaining that falling off or bumping into something was normal and if we climbed back onto our bikes and had another go all would be fine. Without that encouragement I imagine some of us would have given up but with it we went on to master the art of balancing, steering, pedalling and looking where we were going all at the same time. Nothing short of a minor miracle really, when you think about it. Sound familiar David?"
A little more relaxed, David agreed, "Indeed it does Janine. I think most of us thought we were made of rubber back then but I suppose it must have been heart-stopping for those watching us. We survived though didn't we?"
"We most certainly did David," Janine said with a sense of satisfaction. "So if you can imagine your situation, with me here now, as the equivalent of you learning to ride a bike, then my role is to give encouragement and guidance, and make sure you come to no real harm. You need to trust me like you trusted others when learning to ride your bike because the start of any new experience is trust." Janine let the bike-riding analogy and her emphasis on trust sink in for a few seconds and then asked, "Now would you like a drink, perhaps tea or coffee?"
David plumped for coffee and while Janine went to the kitchen he considered what she had just said. He realised she had already placed in him a great deal of trust by inviting him, a relative stranger, into her home. Of course they had been in touch and had spoken over the phone. Now, feeling increasingly comfortable with the situation, David opened his smart grey leather briefcase, picked out the brown envelope he had remembered to bring and went through its contents. He glanced at the other items inside the case but thought they can wait. Soon Janine was back with her tray of drinks and biscuits.
"There's more coffee if you need it David. Help yourself to biscuits, no chocolate ones I'm afraid." As she said it, Janine noted the look of mild disappointment on David's face and then spied the paperwork in David's hands. "Are two of those pieces of paper for me?"
"Mmmm, oh yes, sorry," David said distractedly and handed the papers over before reaching for his cup of coffee and then for a biscuit. He gave a short laugh, "I do like fig biscuits though. They remind me of my younger days. Still, it's a pity you have no chocolate ones, they're my favourites."
Quickly glancing at the papers Janine put them to one side. One contained David's 'story', or at least how he saw key incidents in his past. Reading between the lines it provided an outline, and in a few places rich detail of characteristics and situations David might seek to explore on this special journey. The other paper was the obligatory disclaimer, signed and dated, just in case.
David had first contacted Janine almost three months earlier and had exchanged emails, and then had spoken over the phone before he decided that both she and the time was right. He was in his mid-thirties and single, yet very popular with the ladies having both good looks and an easy-going personality. Since leaving university and moving around he had gathered no real long-term friends of either gender, and had no one who was especially close. Having recently moved again, this time to work in Manchester, he felt it was time to reassess his life, inject a bit of brutal honesty, and stop his persistent acceptance of being in denial.
He was born in East Anglia to emotionally and socially dysfunctional parents who split up when he was less than five years old. He and his mother went to live with his Aunt Angela, his mother's older widowed sister, but between the ages of six and seven his mother met someone and left to start a new life. David accepted this without any sign of distress and, since he had so little affection or attention from his mother, was content to be brought up by his aunt. Unlike his mother, his aunt gave him a balanced upbringing in which he was loved and in return showed love. When he was old enough to understand his Aunt Angela explained his domestic background as best she could.
Although he lived away from home when studying for his degree he phoned his aunt every week and would write every month. In truth, he never wanted to leave his aunt's home but she insisted he needed to see more of the world than his cloistered existence so far had allowed. His aunt's sudden and unexpected death whilst David was away at university had literally stopped him in his tracks and only endless counselling sessions gave him enough mental strength to see his degree through. The house he used to live in and call home was left to David in his aunt's will but since he could not return there to live it was sold and he invested the money into bricks and mortar at the start of his nomadic wanderings.
He knew when his Aunt Angela died his existence had changed forever simply because every day there was this enormous gap in his life that no one or nothing else could fill. He became work-obsessed and with every move gained higher salary and higher status, but he knew he wasn't happy. David's move to Manchester seemed to challenge him to find the real person that lived inside him and not to simply accept the outwardly public persona he had polished to perfection.
"I know how important your Aunt Angela was to you David. Would you like to tell me a little about her?"
"Well I would only be going over you the same information I already have set out in emails and on that paper you now have beside you," David said defensively. "By the way why do you need a paper version of the email?"
"I delete my emails religiously and I much prefer to work with paper," Janine said tilting her head to one side and smiled as if to say, please humour me and just do as I've asked.
David smiled, "You know my Aunt Angela used to give me that very same look. Well now, what can I tell you about Aunt Angela?" He thought for a few moments and then began his detailed recollection of how she dressed, the scents she used, her mannerisms, as much as he could recall, even her careful and polite use of language. "Aunt Angela was a soft person, in the sense that she was kind and considerate, but if she thought you had stepped out of line she let you know in no uncertain terms. I'd say she was tolerant but not lax. I suppose because she had been married she did not get upset at my blundering adolescent behaviour." He blushed, "I recall nocturnal emissions were acceptable but not if they were self-induced!"
"Is it at this age, in your adolescence, that you became even closer to your aunt?" David nodded but remained silent. "And is this example you gave just then one of the 'situations' that you would like to explore with me?" Again David nodded, and there was almost a look of pleading in his eyes. Janine's smile was one of perfect serenity, and with polite firmness she said, "Then please follow me and do bring your case with you."
Janine led David upstairs and first showed him where the bathroom was located before opening one of the bedroom doors where the curtains were already drawn to, so she switched on the light. "I shall go back downstairs now and re-read through the information you've kindly sent me. If you don't join me in, say, ten minutes, then I'll pop back up. How does that sound?"
David realised that Janine was giving him both choice and opportunity - firstly the choice to go through with this or not, and if he wished to go further the opportunity to address the needs of his inner-self in absolute privacy. He gave a nervous smile and nodded. Janine wandered downstairs feeling optimistic, although she had been in this position before and things had turned out differently. She had of course done her 'homework' having read and re-read the material David had sent her, and was pleased with his recognition so far with regard to her mannerisms, calmness, and even on the choice of biscuits. Janine took this 'surrogacy' role very seriously.
Janine listened as first the bedroom door opened shortly followed by the bathroom door opening and closing. She smiled. A few minutes later these sounds were heard again but in reverse. Janine studied her wristwatch and when at least eleven minutes had lapsed gave a small sigh of relief and headed for the stairs.
At the bottom of the stairs she spoke in a raised voice, "David I will not tell you again. You will be late for school. You have exactly one minute to get down theses stairs!" David heard the words and thought carefully about their intonation. As he did so a buzz ran through his body and he closed his eyes. He may not have realised it at the time but his real journey had just begun, or more accurately resumed.
Under the covers and now wearing the pyjamas he had taken from his brief case his right hand cupped and played with his genitals and he quickly felt himself becoming aroused. He heard footfalls on the stairs growing louder and his heart pounded with mild panic as his rampant erection failed to abate. The door was opened and his aunt stood there in her white pristine apron. Now he opened his eyes and he noticed the figure wearing an apron which had frilly facings running from the waistband and gradually increasing as they continued each side of her breasts up the front panel. The frill was most pronounced, almost like wings, at the shoulder before disappearing again and trailing down her back. Further critical points of reference and recognition as his journey continued.
"I am not in the habit of repeating myself young man, so do tell me what your excuse is this time?" Janine said, hands bunched into her hips in a no-nonsense manner. David just stared speechless. "Well?" Janine asked bending forward from the waist with obvious annoyance, "Am I getting an answer?"
"Aunty," David began hesitantly, "I... I didn't realise what time it was." It was an instinctive and quite facile response but this pleased Janine.
She replied with suitable sarcasm, "I see. So when you answered to my knock on the door earlier, let me think now, yes that would be about thirty-five minutes ago, and again, when I called you about fifteen minutes ago, that was all a figment of my imagination was it?"
The last thing David wanted was to imply his aunt was a liar, "No, no Aunty, I... I think I was... drowsy. That's it I was drowsy because I didn't sleep very well. I'm feeling better now though." He tried a weak and pathetic smile. That's more like it Janine thought, and then whisked the bedcovers away from David.
Although he had the presence of mind to remove his hand, his highly aroused state was all too evident under his pyjama bottoms. Remembering David's description of his aunt's placid nature Janine did not over-react. "Oh David, David, David," she repeated. "How many times must we have this conversation. I am not a prude and I understand the changes your body is going through, but if you must do this to yourself, use the bathroom but under no circumstances are you to do this sort of thing in bed."
David looked defeated, "I know Aunty, I'm sorry. I... I just... well it's just an urge, and I can't seem to stop myself."
At last, thought Janine, with even more satisfaction. Catching David by his ear she pulled him to his feet, through the bedroom door, across the landing and into her bedroom. "If you had got up when I first called you wouldn't have had this urge my lad." She sat down on a chair that had been placed at the foot of the bed. "We will see if a dose of my slipper will cure you of these urges. Come on David, across my knee." She patted her apron-clad thighs sharply.
"No Aunty, please not the slipper," he whined. "I promise I'll never do it again."
Reaching down and removing her house slipper, which was the suede mule type with a leather sole, Janine scowled at her charge, "I said across my knee David. I am not interested in your promises which you seem so easily to break when it suits. Now, do not let me have to tell you again!"
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