by Rose North
To: Christina Turner
From: Lewis Stones
Subject: A Long Overdue Invite
Dear Tina,
Since our previous meeting, I have had the opportunity to review your videos and would consequently like to extend an invitation to join the great and distinguished organization loosely known as Team Narwhal. I look forward to your reply.
Ever your servant,
The (honorary) Prime Minister of Youtube,
Lewis
As every young, aspiring Youtuber knew, one didn't simply turn down an offer to join Team Narwhal. One didn't turn down an offer from Lewis Stones, full stop. And so Tina packed her bags and made the official announcement that evening. By Thursday, she was standing in front of Team Narwhal's headquarters, her hands shaking more than they had ever been in her life.
"For justice!" He pounded the mole rat a final time and it fell into the lake. "Take that!" A few bashes and the next enemy was down. "Hashtag Lila's New Drama - what the fuck are you guys on about?"
He sped through the woods, slashing two traitors in one go, then scanned the chat, speed - reading the entries. Lila, drama, icinggloss - did that say Amy or emu?
"Oh yeah, down, bitch - oh, hang on, you're on my side."
Playing while entertaining an audience was the greatest rush of adrenaline he knew; all his senses were in sync and working to make the performance extraordinary. Why did Lila have to interrupt his high?
"All right then, what's she done now?" he asked the chat.
Lila, drama, drama.
"Yes, I get there's drama involved, thanks for that."
Lewis Stones easily made a few thousand each live stream. Sharp gaming skills were naturally expected, but what his audience was really there for was entertainment. Give them drama and a thrilling show, give select few a bit of attention and leave them begging for more - he'd done it so often before that it now seemed like child's play.
Don't put on an act. It's easier to exaggerate what you already feel.
"What? Not again!" he shouted, glaring at the camera.
Involve the audience in every step.
"She's gonna pay for that. You know what? We're gonna text her. Tell me, tell me in the chat what I should write."
Delete your channel. Send a boob pic.
Free speech was all well and good, but why did people have to use it as an excuse to never reach past their primordial brains?
Donate a thousand dollars to GamesForUs. You're out of the team.
You're out of the team. Hey, that one wasn't so bad. Might just work.
"All right, I'm gonna do a poll. Vote yes if I should tell Lila she's out of Team Narwhal."
Stop polls after half a minute. People get bored.
89% had voted yes. Naturally.
The audience doesn't care about you. Just give them drama.
He pressed his phone close to the screen so everyone could see the YOU'RE OUT OF THE TEAM, then pulled it back and quickly added JK, BUT GO WAIT IN THE CORNER UNTIL I'M READY FOR YOU
Lila's reply came fast. Now that, he could show to everybody.
FUCK YOU
"I see you're not in the corner." She was a picture of beauty, huddled in the window seat, wine-red top with spaghetti strands and tight black jeans, arms crossed over her knees.
Lila looked up and her black hair fell back to reveal her heart-shaped, perfectly crafted face. Silver trails of tears shimmered on her cheeks. "I see you've finally bothered to come over."
"Matt said you slammed the door on him when he tried to help."
The girl looked away shiftily.
"Well, we can exchange the corner time for ten strokes with the belt. Bend over the bed, young lady."
"No!"
"I beg your pardon?" On camera, Lewis' voice was loud with occasional screaming, it was what kept the audience engaged. Those who knew him in real life, however, got to hear his real voice, which was deeper and lower, sometimes dangerously so.
Lila's cheeks flushed with anger. "You're all set on punishing me with the corner time and belt and whatever and - and you wont even help me when I need you!"
"Come over here." He took the squirming, overly dramatic girl in his arms and sat down on the bed, placing her on his lap and pulling his arm around her chest, hugging her to him. Dealing with Lila Rivera, Rule Number One: Don't let her lure you into an argument.
"What's the matter, baby?"
She huffed. "They're all so mad at me. And I dunno what to do."
"They? You mean your dear fans?"
"Idiots."
Lewis' voice got hard. "Don't forget they're the ones who pay your bills. And give you a nice amount of spending money on top of that."
"I guess."
"Strategic planning, Lila. What were you thinking, mouthing off on Twitter like that?"
"I-I just got so angry, I..."
"Well, I'll take care of it. But before that, I'm going to make sure you don't make a mistake like that ever again." This would be fun.
The girl's cat eyes narrowed skeptically.
"How will you take care of it?"
"After all these years, Lila, don't you trust me?"
"But... but... Cancel Lila is trending."
"As it has done before. This is no more than a level two crisis." Easy to solve, with no long-term damage done.
The girl's shoulders finally relaxed and she leaned back, resting her head on his shoulder. "Promise?"
That was Lila for you, one second she had flames coming out of her eyes and would gladly watch the world smolder, the next she'd be cuddling close to him, her expression full of love and trust. He drew her hair back and kissed her head. There was her characteristic flowery smell, jasmine and cardamom and a million things he'd never be able to name.
"I've been in this business for years," he told her. "I promise."
Arched windows, neat, plain garden... the sand-colored building looked perfectly ordinary from the outside, but when Tina rang the Beach House's doorbell, a swarm of shiny dots shot at her. "Agh!" Her arms flew to cover her face and she leaped back a few steps. She needed to get away, fast. What were those things? Bees, or else some other stingy breed of insect? Who knew what lurked inside dingy old manors? But, although the bees had attacked viciously, they didn't seem to be actively hurting her. In fact, she didn't feel anything at all, and it was this realization that gave Tina the courage to slide her arms away, revealing hundreds of tiny gold stars scattered on the stone steps.
She laughed with relief, then quickly looked away as the tall, striking man who had thrown the confetti appeared. Brown floppy hair, a dash of freckles around his nose - there was only so much a girl could take in one day, and after her narrow escape from certain death, she wasn't ready to deal with the Matt Coates. Especially not when his wide signature grin was directed right at her. Would he like what he saw? The confetti had probably destroyed her beach waves, and it had taken ages to get them just right.
"Quite striking, eight star out of ten performance. Had to dock one point for the lack of obscenity, and I must confess that Kate screamed louder than you did."
Tina tried to make sounds come out of her mouth but it was no good. That accent. British but not like what you'd hear on TV; Matt's words were rough, casual, melodic.
"Don't worry, golden lady, it's just our way of welcoming new members. It's quite the honor."
It was. Tina let her annoyance go and grinned back. The famous artist had gone out of his way to prepare a special entrance for her, and now he was casually leaning on the door frame, talking to her as though they were already friends.
"Now you've been initiated, welcome to the team." He held out his hand and shook hers firmly. "I'm Matt."
Oh, I know.
"I'm Tina, it's great to meet you," she said instead.
He motioned her in, then took off at a leisurely pace, pausing halfway up the staircase until Tina was right next to him.
His dark blue eyes were trained right at her, but she looked away, pretending to examine the numerous artifacts strewn around the walls. Team Narwhal's headquarters might have appeared mundane from the outside, the inside, however, was a cross between an adventure playground, a high-tech exhibition of life in the year 3000 and a shipwreck. It was crazy content that got the clicks, and clicks that got money, and so Lewis, Team Narwhal's self-proclaimed captain and leader, had clearly ensured that his team had every prop they could ever desire.
Tina's eyes flicked from a lighting machine to the huge brass Captain's wheel. Above it hung the notorious cat o' nine tails, its claws trailing onto the steering wheel like a fan.
Matt was still watching, observing her every move. She needed to say something, now. "Wow. This place is something else."
"It sure is," he agreed, still not taking his eyes off her.
Well, that was a successful conversation. Not. Try again.
"That the rest of the team then?" she asked, pointing at a row of caricature portraits, all set in turquoise wavy frames.
"Oh, yeah! Look, that one's Lewis."
Clearly. Lewis was easy to spot, what with his black ponytail, heavy eyebrows, sharp nose and signature leather jacket.
"How does he look nerdy and intellectual, but also so tough?" she wondered aloud.
"Yeah, that's Lew for you. Best leader we could have. But beware, that man will come down on you hard if you get lazy with your channel, and debate you to hell and back if you ever suggest anything close to selling out." Next to Lewis was Lila, gorgeous as ever with her heart-shaped face, high cheekbones, and winged eyeliner. "Lew and Lila are both here too, they'd have loved to be here to greet you, but at the moment they're rather..." He paused for a while, a smile playing around his lips. "Let's say preoccupied. You've heard about Lila?"
Of course she had. Who in the world hadn't heard about the beauty guru's new Twitter drama?
@icingglossamy9: so disappointed. @LIpstickandLAshes' new lipstick set just arrived, all the tops are broken off, the cases are scratched and I think one's melted 0/5 do not recommend
@LIpstickandLAshes: If you had so much as BOTHERED to write to customer service or even to me, we would've immediately gotten you a new set ASAP, but clearly that's too much effort for you.
I put so much work into these lipsticks, made sure they were made of good-quality, long-lasting materials and this is a one-time issue that I'm NOT responsible for
When people try to tear you down like this, it's their problem and not yours. They can fuck off.
The trouble was, icingglossamy9 had turned out to be a twelve-year-old fan girl who was devastated at Lila's response.
Maybe she could ask Matt whether the issue could be fixed, if Lila was always such a drama queen or even what exactly it was that her and Lewis were doing right now, but before Tina could decide on what to say, they had reached the end of a corridor.
"That'll be your room then, noble lady." Matt bowed low and Tina giggled. He was exaggerating his British accent now, going from relaxed footballer to courteous nobleman.
"Stop! Like I shouldn't be the one bowing to you."
"And why would that be?" the man replied, a playful glint in his eyes.
"Well, for a start, you're the one who has seven million subscribers." And a net worth even higher than that, she added silently.
Not to be reposted, reproduced or distributed, in part or whole.