by Rose St. Andrews
Paula Auburn had a gift for thinking like a child. In her case, this was quite useful as she was a genius toymaker. She'd created the Hoop-de-Doo toy when she was a senior in high school, and then made a couple million dollars from licensing it to a major toy company. Once she graduated, she used the money to start her own computer game company. Two years later, the first of the Heidi Cooper Fantasy games came out. It was a smash hit, and the series made her company the newest of the Fortune 500 hits by the time she was twenty-eight. She was definitely a 'Type A' personality, even though she didn't look it. Several inches under five feet, she was petite, and proud of her firm build. Regular workouts at the gym were yet another way she exercised control over her life. The other was dominating at work, where she was the absolute authority on all things. With Paula, management was simple: do it my way or leave!
Into this organized chaos came Bruce Putnam - tall, powerfully built, and yet a quiet gentle fellow. He was called Mr. Mellow by his friends and his co-workers quickly followed suit. By the end of his first month at the company, a number of things had coalesced in his mind. He noticed that while the business was doing well, he could see trouble on the horizon. The place was disorganized and needed structure, and although he didn't know Paula too well, he could see that the company was like her life! The staff were frustrated with how things worked but they loved the benefits, pay, and working conditions. The place was a great working environment, and Bruce could see that the level of creativity was incredible.
The first clue as to the company's troubles came early. They were supposed to have a staff meeting every other Monday. So when the appointed day and time arrived, Bruce armed with his yellow legal notepad and notes on his projects, walked into the conference room and took a seat. The room was like everything else in the office: designed to impress and intimidate. It was large and spacious with a huge wooden oval table and colorful art on three walls (the fourth was a massive picture window that afforded them a spectacular view of Chesapeake Bay), and there were a few touches that indicated the purpose of the company was fun. In the corner was a football table, dart board, pool table, and a bookcase full of old fashioned board games.
As Bruce organized his notes, he was soon aware that no one else seemed ready for the meeting. Several people were starting a game of football, others were chatting about the latest movies, and Anne (the office manager) was dialing the local pizza parlor.
"So, who wants what on their pizza?" she called out.
"Pepperoni," came one reply.
"Veggie Lovers over here," came another. And so on.
"Bruce, you might want to close your mouth," Anne said with a smile. "Don't want any stray flies buzzing in there."
He blinked and did so. "Sorry, just... confused. When does the meet-?"
"Ah, that's right, this is your first time," she shot back, cutting him off. "We don't have staff meetings."
Again he blinked, not only at the statement, but at how casually she said it. It was clear that this was the norm.
"But, I just saw Paula going into her office. She said-"
"No, no wait, let me guess," Greg, the Lead Programmer said quickly. "It was, 'I just have one quick phone call to make first.' Am I right?"
Once again Bruce's jaw dropped. Everyone laughed. Greg winked at Bruce, scored the winning goal, and casually sauntered over to the table. Sitting next to him, he put his feet up on the table, and grinned. "Ah, that one never gets old."
"You don't have staff meetings. So what are we doing here?"
"This is our day to order in lunch and chat," Greg explained.
Nick, Head of Sales, moved to sit on Bruce's left, and leaned in close. "And to grill the new people on what they think of the company and 'The Tigress.' So, my man, what you think?"
"Oh, you two are mean," Anne said, as she hung up the phone. "Pizza'll be here in thirty, people. Who's up for Trivial Pursuit?"
"Me, me, me," came a chorus of voices.
She and several others moved off to set up the game, but not Greg and Nick. It was clear they intended to question Bruce. He sat back and tried to size up the two. They had one thing in common - they were both young men in their early twenties. That seemed to be the standard around here. Casting his eyes across the group, Bruce saw that the entire staff was young. Beyond that, Greg and Nick were a study in contrast. Greg was lanky, laid-back, and he sported a short well-trimmed beard. Nick was tense - the term that came to Bruce's mind was Chihuahua, and his sharp angular face gave him a sort of Herman Munster look. The man clearly needed to cut back on the coffee (Bruce never saw him without a large mug of it).
Then there was Anne. Ah, now she was a true delight. It was clear why she was manager; she was a real people person. Quite frankly, she seemed more mother/teacher to the group than leader. Even in Bruce's short time at the company, he'd seen how she could motivate people, defuse arguments, and keep things running. She also had the most incredible figure he'd seen in months! Curves in all the right places, a rack he could do chin ups on, and a smile that could melt steel. It was a pity she was married. Bruce would have asked her out on sight.
That was another thing about the company - virtually everyone was either in a relationship or married, and not all were traditional marriages. Greg and Nick had made clear their relationship within the first five minutes of Bruce's first day. Nick showed him their wedding album from their ceremony in Maryland.
"So, you planning to ask Paula out?" Nick blurted out.
"Nick, behave," Greg scolded.
"Aw, come on, it's a valid question. Bruce is one of the few single hetero guys here, and she definitely needs to get laid."
Greg slapped himself on the forehead, and Bruce let out a little squeak of surprise.
Wow, Nick sure doesn't mince words.
"Please forgive my significant other; his brain doesn't have an off switch."
"Hey, I meant it with love. Come on, Greg, you know how much I care about her, and she about us."
Greg nodded. "True, she was 'Best Man' at our wedding."
Bruce softly chuckled. "Boy, I got to think about that one for a minute. A female Best Man at a gay wedding. There's got to be a movie or book in that story."
Greg and Nick laughed.
A few minutes later the pizza arrived and everyone dug in. Bruce got the chance to chat with Anne and some of the other staff, and found that the place was much more like a family than he first thought. Everyone had very deep affection and commitment to Paula - at least that's how it appeared. He eventually found himself again cornered by 'The Boys' and decided to play along with Nick's matchmaking efforts.
"So, does Paula date all the single guys in the office?" he asked.
"Oh no, not at all," Greg replied. "All of them drool over her, but none have had the guts to ask her. Despite her tiny size, she's seen as a true tigress!"
"They especially admire her firm and shapely ass," Nick added. "I'm sure you've noticed it yourself."
"I ahhh."
Nick grinned. "Round and firm like an apple. They love to watch it sway and saunter through the office. She wears the most unbelievable tight slacks and short skirts, and her jeans on casual Friday, oh man, they almost give me an erection. It's always clear that she's wearing a thong."
"Nick," Greg said, his tone flat and firm.
Bruce practically jumped at the icy expression on Greg's face. Oh, he did not look happy.
Nick chuckled. "Oh, chill out, my sweet, I said 'almost.' She's hot - for a woman - if you like that sort of thing."
Bruce had to admit, he'd seen Paula's jeans last Friday, and they looked as if they'd been spray painted on! How she could walk, bend over, and sit in them he'd never understand. Still, just the thought of her was enough to get his loins tingling. It was time to change the subject. "Say, Nick, I wanted to ask you about that promotional plan you sent out. It was awesome, but have you considered offering a discount if people buy the strategy guidebook in an e-book format?"
Nick slowly rubbed his chin in thought. "Damn, that's a good idea. There are no print costs, so our profit would... wait a minute, how'd you know about that?"
"The file copy of your correspondence was in the 'To Be Filed' basket. I took the liberty of reading everything in it."
"You read everything in the basket?" Anne said, moving closer to the table.
"Well, it's not like there was a lot in there, but yeah. I make a point of trying to stay up on what's going on around me."
Anne laughed and sat down across from him. "I can see why Paula hired you, and it's not just for your programming skills. You're an organizer, and we can sure use one around here."
"Thank you, I try," he replied, giving her a slight nod.
"So, Bruce, did you read that report I sent to the graphics department?" Greg said. "I am having so much trouble with the 3D graphics for the new game package, it keeps crashing."
"I did. I'm no expert, but I did see where Steven and Amy have been dealing with a similar problem with the next Heidi Cooper game. Maybe you three should brainstorm and see what you can come up with."
Greg's head whipped around. He scanned the room, and saw Steven and Amy. "You guys free this afternoon?"
"Have your people call my people," Amy said with a grin.
They all laughed, and Bruce was bombarded with more questions. Inside of five minutes, their 'staff meeting' had become a genuine staff meeting, and people were scrambling to find paper to write notes on. An hour later, they were done, and everyone started ambling back to their offices. There was a noticeable boost in morale, and Bruce hoped that translated into an increase in productivity. As he neared the wide double doors, Nick stepped in front of him.
"So, B-man, how about joining Greg and me for a drink after work?"
"'B-man'? Huh, you know, I kind of like that. Hmmm, I don't know, guys. What... kind of bar we talking about?"
Greg came up alongside Bruce. "Don't worry, it'll be straight. Well, mostly straight. We just want to thank you for your help at making this meeting a real meeting."
"Yeah, we're not looking for a threesome."
"Nick, behave!"
"It's okay, Greg, I'm getting used to Nick's... style. Okay, you got it. See you both at five."
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