by Rue Chapman
Sometimes lawsuits can be settled out of court in more creative ways than the court system itself ever envisaged. There are cases when a monetary settlement just doesn't cover the damages.
After the news bulletins, newsreaders like to add a little personal comment as they sign off, to stamp their personality on the show. Of course these ad libs are always very carefully scripted. Josie liked to stamp her personality everywhere she could, she packed a great deal of ambition into her slender 5'8" frame. At 25 years of age, the attractive blonde was already one of the station's top newsreaders. She was also the despair of the legal department, as she often ignored the carefully checked words of wisdom scripted for her and substituted her own comments, blissfully unaware of the legal complications she could cause.
She became aware of these complications with a shock when she was sued by four irate businessmen who had featured in a trailer for a current affairs item to be featured on the station the next day about the exploitation of workers in local companies. Josie's parting comment after the trailer (for a report she had not bothered to preview) had made it clear they were the "... most blatant cases I have ever seen. Men like that should be banned from ever being in positions of power."
Unfortunately for Josie, the businessmen she mentioned were not only completely innocent, they featured in the item because they had set up an association to encourage better behaviour towards workers. Her careless comments damaged their businesses and the bad publicity cost them all several contracts. They also faced protests from women's groups, pickets outside their offices, strikes by employees, even the resignations of some employees who couldn't face working in such hostile environments, and the inconvenience of hiring and training more staff. The station had to use a great deal of valuable air time to clear their names.
Naturally, they sued. Not the station, which was litigation-proofed by those teams of lawyers, but Josie personally.
The station was not amused. Because the comments were unscripted Josie was liable, not the station, and she had very little defence. And the station's on-air efforts to clear up the mess had already cost it a lot of valuable time and credibility. Even with the help the station was prepared to give her she faced the horrible prospect of being found liable in court, bankruptcy, and the even worse spectre of more bad publicity, ruining her career.
Then, just as the case hit the headlines, there was a settlement offer. The businessmen involved knew that a long-drawn-out court case wouldn't do them or their companies any good, and they also knew that Josie didn't have nearly enough money to properly compensate them for their losses. They wanted a more satisfying revenge. More personal. As humiliating for the arrogant little newsreader as her words had been for them.
They wanted to spank her.
Josie was appalled, but her lawyer saw a number of interesting possibilities. And if she wanted to avoid any further drop in her popularity, she had to stop the headlines before she went from being the darling of the station's line-up to the cleaning lady.
Josie sat in her lawyer's office, where she had waited for most of the day as he had 'settled the details' with the opposing lawyers. She had agreed in principle, but it didn't seem real yet. She watched numbly as he bustled in and put a tote bag on the floor and his briefcase on the desk.
"Well, it's been a long day and no mistake. We've had a few victories in the negotiations, and I have some other very good news for you. If you just sign off on these now we can set the wheels in motion, so to speak."
Josie signed the sheaf of papers in a daze, still not sure if this was real or an extremely bad dream. He quickly passed the papers to someone waiting outside the office and then sat down at the desk and linked his fingers, leaning over then to smile at his stunned client.
"Now, I did the best I could under the circumstances. In fact I think you'll agree I did extremely well considering they held the whip hand, so to speak."
Josie flinched.
"I beat them down in most areas, a very hard negotiation it was too. You've seen the outline already; each one is to participate in the ... penalty. It's a shame you had to offend so many people, isn't it?"
Josie glared at him. She really hated this horribly cheerful man now.
"They drew straws for the running order, I believe, but I don't suppose you really mind the order, do you? Let's get to the important stuff. Now, the first, er, element is an over-the-knee hand-spanking. Quite a victory here; he wanted ten minutes, but of course that was totally out of the question. We've cut that back to just five."
He looked at his silent client.
"I knew you'd be pleased. The next bit was - well, I think you'll really thank me for this. They wanted to go straight on, but I absolutely insisted on corner time for you to recover between each session. So you'll have fifteen minutes to, er, catch your breath before the next ... application. Now this is over the knee again, a hairbrush this time, very traditional group they were. He was totally unrealistic about this, two hundred and fifty strokes, can you imagine?"
Jose shuddered as she imagined just that.
"But you'll be delighted to know I cut him right back there, all the way back to one hundred. Much better, isn't it? Then of course the corner again, no rubbing, by the way, but that's pretty standard. You'd better make sure you remember that; you don't want to know the penalties for that."
Josie made a mental note to avoid finding out the penalties.
"Then the strap. Now we really haggled on this one. He was hell-bent on a hundred, but I finally cut him down to fifty. He wants to use some sort of old-fashioned strap his family used back in Scotland. Funny name it had - toes? Toos? Something like that. I told you these guys were traditionalists. You'll be bent over a chair for that. I insisted it be padded; we don't want you to be uncomfortable, do we?"
Josie looked at him in fascinated horror. No, we wouldn't want me to be uncomfortable while some strangers SPANK MY BOTTOM!! raged a voice in her head.
"Now the end is in sight. After corner time again, you'll go back over the chair. Didn't do quite so well here. He stuck on twenty for the cane. Still, they do say you go numb after the first three. Then the corner again, then it's all over!"
The insensitive toad smiled at her.
"One thing I really couldn't budge them on. They refused to negotiate on it in any way. It has to be bare, I'm afraid. All of it, the ... er ... penalty sessions and the corner time. But I did tell you that we would have to give way on a few points." And the chance to see that truly beautiful bottom bared hadn't influenced him in any way.
Oh good, agreed the voice in her head, How nice that WE gave way on such a minor point!! How about you bend over bare too in solidarity with your client? Let them take out their frustrations on YOUR bare butt too? You want ten percent of THAT?
"And now for the really good news. You are of course still liable for the costs of the whole case so far, the lawyers' fees for both sides. Well, I've got that covered for you, in fact you may even make a profit!" He smiled at his client, so pleased to deliver the good news. "This whole thing won't cost you a cent! Your own station has paid an extremely generous fee to cover the whole event! It's to be broadcast live!"
Josie willed herself to wake up out of this waking nightmare. Her dry throat managed a strangled, "Whaaaat?"
Now he was smiling so much he looked to her like a crocodile on ecstasy. "Yes! That's right! You won't owe a cent when all this is over. No bankruptcy, you keep your house, and the publicity, well it can't hurt your career, can it?"
Of course not, agreed the voice in her head, everyone will naturally accept me as a serious newsreader after they've SEEN MY BARE BOTTOM GET SPANKED!!!
Josie swallowed, her throat dry, and managed to choke out. "What if I don't agree?"
"You already have, my dear. You signed the papers a few minutes ago." No lawyer in history ever lost a fee just because the client may be a bit embarrassed.
"And when does all this happen?"
"Oh, didn't I say? Well, the deal was hammered out a few hours ago, and they've been running trailers for the show ever since. It goes out live, tonight. I knew you'd want to get it done as soon as possible. A two-hour special, starts in about an hour in fact. The corner time will work out nicely for ad breaks and slo-mo replays. Now we'll have to get a move on. I have a bathroom off the office here." He nodded towards a door at the side of the room. "There's a shower in there for you to freshen up a bit. We want you looking good for those close-ups, don't we? And I've got some clothes for you; the station sent them over."
He picked up the bag he'd put on the floor. "They thought a pleated skirt, easier to hitch up at the back, and a white blouse. There's a lovely pair of pink lace panties too, something nice and feminine." He looked at her. She was unnaturally quiet. He hoped she wouldn't blow the deal at this late stage. "A nice string of pearls at the throat - they thought that looked dignified."
DEAR LORD!! screamed the little voice in her head. DIGNIFIED!!
"The shoes you have on right now are fine, and no hose. We don't want to have to fiddle around with all of that."
Oh no, let's get to the good stuff quickly!! agreed the voice. OH MY GOD THIS IS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN!! TO ME!!
"So if you'd like to have a quick shower and change, we'll be ready to roll. Oh, and there's a photographer from one of the women's magazines outside. The station on-sold the print rights so he'll need some 'before' pictures. Twenty minutes to get ready, okay? And tonight you really will send the ratings through the roof! Well, we'd better get moving - have to keep to the schedule. Don't want your telecast to start late, do we? And you'll be pleased to know the station have sent a car for us. Star treatment!"
Josie wondered what it cost to have someone killed. He was a lawyer; they'd probably give her a discount. She walked out to the waiting limousine on stiff legs, feeling like a condemned prisoner.
He settled himself comfortably beside his mute, miserable client. "Now, before we get there, there are just a few little details you'll need to know."
Josie flinched, wondering what he'd saved as a surprise.
"When we get to the studio your, er, opponents will be waiting on the set. They're using the morning talk show set for this because it looks like a living room. They'll all sit around on the couches there while the host of the show updates the audience. Then you'll be brought in, and you'll say a few words." He started talking faster as she turned huge horrified eyes to him. "You'll just say what you did, and how sorry you are, and how you deserve to be punished for your actions. Then you'll ask him to spank your bottom. You'll do that with each of them."
Blood pounded in her ears. After a moment Josie realised she had stopped breathing. She wasn't sure she wanted to start again.
"I have to ask for it?"
"It seems to be the standard procedure. And you have to thank them afterwards."
"They have standards for this? Oh, dear Lord. Wait a minute - the host? What host? Who?"
"The station felt that if your co-anchor hosted the show it would make you feel more comfortable." And it wouldn't do his fading popularity any harm.
Josie was almost comforted. After this it couldn't get any worse.
"The whole ... procedure will be as we discussed in the office. After your final corner time you will apologise once more and then do a short interview with the host. Remember to stress how sorry you are, and that it wasn't the station's fault. Then he'll just ask you a few quick questions about your ... er ... feelings on the matter. You might make a joke about standing up for the interview."
Wrong again. Of course it could get worse.
"And here we are - all be over soon. Well, in two hours anyway. Off we go!"
She decided to let the hit man use whatever weapon he chose, just so long as it was slow and painful.
It was the highest rating program in history. Forget sporting events, Olympic openings or moonwalks. Even in re-runs it was guaranteed to win any time-slot. It was repackaged as a highlights program, and as an extended video. The station could have given up all other sources of revenue and still made a profit for the year.
Josie blinked as she approached the set. There seemed to be a lot more people working in the studio than usual. Cameras stood ready at the front and to each side, another hung suspended from the ceiling just above ... her eyes flew to an ordinary-looking kitchen chair placed innocently towards the front of the set. The furniture had also been rearranged to provide an empty corner at the back of the set. They'd gone to a lot of trouble. How nice.
Josie felt cold all over, shaking. It had all happened so fast she still didn't believe it was real. Five men sat expectantly on the couches on the set, her co-anchor and her ... the four men who ... oh Lord. There seemed to be some odd items on the coffee table which usually held a nice bright bowl of flowers to add some cheery colour to the set. She tried hard not to look at the table. No doubt the cheery colour would soon be provided by something else.
Everyone on the set, from lowly stagehands to the host himself, (her rat co-worker!!) all seemed to have the same expression on their faces. Eager anticipation masquerading as professionalism. She wondered if that hit man did group rates. Perhaps the only way to get through this was by disengaging, trying to think beautiful thoughts, like where to hide the bodies.
The floor manager was babbling something at her, but the words had stopped making sense. He led her onto the set, and nudged her towards the corner. In a daze she faced the wall she was going to know very well by the end of the evening.
Somewhere behind her the practised tones of her co-anchor burbled away, telling the world, basically, that Josie had made a mistake and would now pay for it big time. He managed to infuse a tone of regret into his voice. A true professional. His mellow tones explained that this way the injured parties could exact a penalty without leaving Josie bankrupt or in debt for life. Almost philanthropic.
Josie heard herself being summoned to the centre of the set. She turned, face a poised and cool mask as usual. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing how nervous she was. The chair in the centre of the set was now occupied. She told herself not to embarrass herself in front of the cameras by hesitating, (Embarrassed!! MY GOD they're going to see my BARE BOTTOM!! screamed the voice in her head) as she moved smoothly to his side and took a deep breath. She clasped her hands in front of her, twisting the fingers together. Her throat was suddenly so dry.
"I made some remarks that were careless and untrue, and caused your business considerable damage. I am very sorry for my thoughtless behaviour and I deserve to pay a penalty for that. Please (gulp) please give me the punishment I deserve."
She looked at him, an anonymous businessman in dark grey suit. He looked like the history teacher she'd had for two years at school. Suddenly she hated history. He looked back at her steadily, and she knew she had to say the words.
"Please spank my bottom."
He motioned to his lap. "Bend over."
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